So where to start with this week. If I had written and posted this blog yesterday like I had planned to, it would have been full of sunshine and glitter as things had been going well.

Actually, no. Good is not enough of a superlative to truly demonstrate how well it had been going. I was definitely feeling like I was making progress. Obviously I still want to shoot myself for the first 5 minutes of each run and I have to run/walk for the first 2-4 minutes of each session as my body goes into shock about what is now expected of it, but I am beginning to be able to run.

This week I haven’t used the app once and it was easier. The point of the app is to get you to a point where you can run either distance or time. Since I last wrote my blog I have run 4 times. The first time I managed 22 minutes in one go and for the second 2 runs I ran for 30 minutes and importantly this means that I can now run 3k.

I am speeding up slightly and all of my splits are now under 10 minutes (vary from 9.26 to 9.45 per km) which is brilliant news. I also now won’t let myself run slower than 10 minutes.

This has meant that I have needed a slightly more sophisticated app and so in turn I have had to get some new “kit”. Many readers of this blog suggested I try “Runkeeper” (thank you) and I am pleased to report that it works pretty well for me. The idea is that the kind sounding Lady tells you each time 5 minutes is up and then each time you complete a kilometre and also gives you your speed. She also tells you how far you have gone each 5 minutes. I like this because it’s easy to keep track of how far/how long you have run for and it’s good for pacing. I struggle with pacing and in some previous runs have gone off like a rocket (well a short, panting, sweaty, slow rocket) and then had to walk more than I would have liked. I’m also trying to get quicker as 5k and 10k races are looming and as much as I know it’s “about getting round the course” and “I’m only competing with myself” bla bla bla, I don’t want to be last and I definitely don’t want them to be taking the barriers down as I pass. That would be too much. If I’m honest, one of the most frustrating things about this isn’t that it’s hard, it’s that I’m clearly not very good at it. I hate not being good at things.

I’m still using my Fitbit app at the same time and the GPS between them definitely isn’t in sync. Other interesting things happen too when I run them concurrently as there is a playlist that springs into life as soon as I set off. I don’t mind this and the music is actually pretty good, but I am a bit confused as I am certain that much of the music that plays isn’t even on my IPhone. How is this even possible? I do need to investigate this further. One of the songs that plays (a Jessie J track) makes me run faster so if anyone knows if there is a way to use a song (beats per minute) and find a playlist which uses the same beats, please can you get in touch? I need to know how to do this.

One new unforeseen challenge that has arisen is my desire to sing along with the songs. Sometimes I mouth them to myself and wonder how mad I must look to people who see me. Imagine what might happen if Take That’s “Relight my Fire” manages to get onto the magic playlist? Have you ever seen Lulu in a running outfit?….Best not to think about it.

I have also bought a fit for purpose “bum bag” that will fit my iPhone in. I wear this inside my running jacket which makes me look like I have a pregnant tummy. However, given that 6 weeks ago I couldn’t even zip the coat up and now I can not only zip it up, but also wear a bum bag under it, I’m taking that one as a win.

Talking of wins. My weight-loss is continuing although frustratingly has slowed down. However, I am pleased to report that I now weight LESS than 17 stone and my BMI has reduced so I am now only “obese” rather than “morbidly obese” so I guess that’s good news?!

Last Friday I ran home using the new stride lengthening technique and I ran consecutively for 22 minutes. I was also considerably faster clocking 3 x sub 10 minute per kilometre splits with my fastest being 9.23. It didn’t hurt horribly until about the 18^th minute and I was feeling pretty good.

On Sunday, my running squad unfortunately wasn’t around to keep me company and for the first time ever, I really didn’t feel like going out. It’s a bizarre feeling. As my blog testifies strongly, actually doing the run is awful, but at no point have I not wanted to go – which is weird. But on Sunday last week, I definitely wasn’t feeling the love and didn’t want to go. Sporty Daughter wasn’t interested in accompanying me either so I really was on my own. I feel part of the problem is boredom with running the same routes (ie back and forth to my place of work). However, I managed to drag myself out and decided to try a new route near my house. I ran for 30 minutes consecutively and this meant that for the first time I ran 3k in one go. The sense of elation here cannot be underestimated. I was absolutely delighted. Park Run is looming as is the 5k Colour Run Obstacle Course (reminder, I need to get myself a pink tutu) and this was a big step in the right direction.

Also on Sunday I was waved at by 2 other ladies who were also out running. This is part of the code that I have mentioned previously. One lady was wearing a “This Mum Runs” team head buff and she was grimacing but when she saw me running on the opposite direction, on the other side of the road, she smiled and waved. I waved back.

On Tuesday when I ran home and again managed 30 minutes in one go (and this time was quicker again) I was overtaken by a whippet like lady who looked to be in her late 40s. She approached with stealth and when she passed me she made me jump, which made both of us laugh and then prompted her to try and start a conversation with me. It’s important to note that I was about 26 minutes into my 30 minutes of running and so conversation was not easy. She slowed down and was very encouraging saying “well done” and “keep going”. At the traffic lights, as we did that weird walk/jog on the spot that you see runners doing (I don’t know why I do it, I do it because I see other runners doing it), she was telling me that she had started like me and had now been running for 5 years. She was lovely as she chatted away, clearly glad of the company but all I could think of was the bus stop further up the hill that I had not yet been able to run up to without having to walk. I decided to mention this (as I didn’t want to appear rude as she was being so lovely) and she took it upon herself to become my own personal cheer-leading coach. She encouraged and cheered me on as I lumbered up the hill and I did get past the bus-stop for the first time ever. I was elated and she was pleased too – but then she said bye and she was off again. What a lovely lady. Running does make you part of a special team and all are supportive because I guess most have had to start as I have, and they all know how hard it is.

The White Van driver who imaginatively shouted at me on Tuesday “Run Fatty Run” will never know how hard it is and will therefore never appreciate the feeling of progress. In my head all I could think to retort was “you should have seen me at Christmas” but of course was too out of breath to shout it at him. Karma will get him though, that or hopefully, a vigorous bout of gastroenteritis.

So as you can see, things were going brilliantly…until today.

Husband has also signed up for the 10k but as yet hasn’t been out of a run. My printing off our Park Run barcodes for next weekend had obviously alarmed him as he asked to come out with me today. Husband is healthy and fit and cycles regularly across Bristol. We set off and although I had said he should not wait for me and should go off ahead, when he did shoot off (and he went off like Mo Farrah in the final straight), as he disappeared from my view, I burst into tears. This is a completely irrational response and I felt like an idiot, but nevertheless it happened. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt pretty hopeless and upset. It’s been a black day for me today as feel like I will never get to where I want to be with the running. Of the 5k route that I had plotted, honestly I think I ran/walked about 2k of it and I walked the rest, crying. Goodness knows what I must have looked like – my appearance was obviously too much for one old lady to ignore as she asked me if I was ok. It took me an hour to walk/run 5k. This is a real step backwards and honestly it was the worst run since week one and I was puffing around the allotment.

When I arrived back at work, Husband was mortified and immediately started telling me how well I was doing and that I shouldn’t give up, whilst apologising for running on without me (even though I had told him to – and when I told him to, I had genuinely meant it). I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but seeing him sprinting off after not having run for 15 years (he ran the Bristol Half Marathon in 2000) was (apparently) too much for me to take. Over the last few days I have also been feeling very hungry and I was definitely having a “what’s the point” moment.

Thankfully, Hockey Sister was on hand to offer “no nonsense” encouragement and advice as only a Sister can. She was lovely. Encouraging, supportive, on hand with a tissue and hugs as well as the more practical “stop being a d***” and “man the f*** up” advice – which honestly works better on me than the namby pamby stuff. She also told me a brilliant story involving her arriving at a hockey match having forgotten to pack her hockey skirt, which made me laugh a lot. Laughter is very powerful medicine.

Fitbit Sister also called me up this evening and offered (more gentle!) support which was nonetheless equally gratefully received. Bad days happen and I need to draw a line under them. I have a run booked in already with Red Lady on Sunday morning and I am sure it will be a better day. I can’t imagine it being worse than today.

Also, Husband and I have agreed that although we will go out and run at the same time, we will plot loops and one start at one end and the other at the other.  This way we can high five as we pass each other, but I won’t have to watch him run away from me in the distance. No wife ever wants to see that…

This has been an interesting week and on the whole, a good week.

Before I update you on the running, a few observations:

• My asthma is much better. I barely use my inhalers these days and *touches wood* I haven’t had so much of a sniffle since I started this new phase of my life and I am feeling much healthier in general. The asthma is an interesting one though. The doctors always tell you that exercise will help, but frankly I have always been a bit sceptical. I always carry an inhaler with me (I’ve discovered it fits perfectly into one of those puzzling tiny pockets on the running coats) but I don’t need it. I suspect however, that if I left for a run without it, the thought of not having it would likely result in me needing it, but I’m happy with this as the option for the time being.
• I am wearing much less make up these days (those that know me well will be disbelieving of this) so this is a very surprising development. Running whilst wearing make-up results in horrible spots – hence, I am wearing less make-up. Prepare for MAC and Estee Lauder to announce a profit warning any day now…
• I am much more comfortable in “leisure wear” and trainers now than my regular clothes. They are so comfy. Unfortunately Waynetta Slob is not a good look and I need to reign myself in a bit.
• Sporty Daughter really doesn’t like it when I try and leave the house wearing a fluorescent comedic headband. Apparently it’s “really embarrassing”. She really shouldn’t have told me this as I now feel compelled to find the most outlandish clothes possible to run in. The internet trawling has begun and this will only spur me on to lose more weight to be able to fit into these loud running outfits to make my daughter cringe. Motivation comes from unforeseen sources.
• I have now lost a total of 19 pounds and some clothes no longer fit. I can get into a suit that I last wore the day I found out I was pregnant with Sporty Eldest daughter (who is 9). It’s a teeny bit tight, but I am sure that I will be wearing it properly by the end of the month. I bought it brand new for a meeting with a huge client in 2007 and I’ve worn it about twice. The second time I was wearing it, I got two blue lines on a pregnancy test. I haven’t been able to get into it since.

 

My runs this week have been better.

Last Friday I volunteered to attend a “This Mum Runs” event where we were filmed running (and jumping!) and a couple of ladies were interviewed by a proper film crew. It was to be used to promote how one little thing that you do in your life exercise-wise, can make a difference. It was brilliant and I met some amazing ladies. Many of these ladies had started out like me on the c25k and were now regularly running 10k and beyond. They were also so incredibly friendly and encouraging. We did some loops around Greville Park in Ashton and it was good. I walked/jogged back to the office, soaking wet (as we experienced rain of biblical proportions during the session) and quite cold but felt inspired. Literally all you need is a pair of trainers and (if female) a sports bra to get started. They had done it and I am doing it. We all agreed that getting started is the hardest part and they all said that it does get easier….apparently…although you should always expect it to be hard.

On Sunday I went out for my best and most enjoyable run to date. I went with Sporty Daughter, God Daughter and my friend the Red Lady and we completed the Bristol Harbour loop. I did walk a bit but not as much as I had thought I might and we really enjoyed ourselves. The Red Lady did intervals whilst waiting for me to catch up and dare I say it, it was fun. We experienced rain, hail (which hurts when it hits you in the face) then glorious sunshine and a rainbow, which was beautiful. I definitely want to make this a regular thing and it has further motivated me to get quicker to be able to effectively train with the Red Lady for the 10k. Sporty Daughter also got to experience a proper run (without having to wait for me to catch her up) and she found it more difficult that she was expecting. She said to me afterwards – “That was really hard Mummy. You’re doing really well if you’re doing THAT 3 times a week”. This was a lovely thing for her to say to me and I do believe my girls are impressed with my commitment and progress. The thought of them watching me cross that 10k finishing line gives me goose bumps.

Tuesday Evening I jogged home from work. This time I used the app and for the first time ever did not want to kill myself over the first 5 minutes. This was an amazing feeling. I knew I could keep going and I did. The app had me running in 10 minute slots and for the last slot I ran for the “cooldown” period also, meaning that I ran for 15 minutes. I did feel stronger and I didn’t feel as weak in my legs. I am beginning to understand what people mean when they say that running is as much about mental strength as it is your state of fitness. My legs could keep going because I refused to stop. Belief is important. I also tried a technique that the Red Lady told me about – I slightly lengthened my stride which although I’m fairly sure made me look a bit weird as I ran (think – Phoebe from Friends running) I do think it made me a bit quicker. Typically however, this was the one time I forgot to set the GPS Fitbit tracker on my phone, so I don’t really know if I was faster or not. This is incredibly frustrating.

Of course, before I get to 10k I have to be able to run 5k without stopping so this is now my real goal. I may have mentioned before that I love a gadget and I am someone who likes to obsessively research any potential new purchase (I’m a bit blokey that way) and my research has led me to the decision that I want a Fitbit Surge (which is their GPS tracker sports watch). I know lots of people like the Garmin and my sister swears by the TomTom but the Fitbit system is working so well for me and “if it’s not broke don’t fix it” as they say.

I’ve asked Husband (and he agreed) to buy me one for Mother’s Day as a reward for running 5k properly. Unfortunately, I didn’t check the dates before making this deal so imagine my joy to discover that this year Mother’s Day is absurdly early – Sunday 6 March. Normally it’s much later than this so I seem to have put myself under quite a lot of pressure, but do you know what? I want that watch so I am going to run the 5k by the end of this month.

I’m going to run a Park Run on the last weekend in February. It needs to be a flat one (!) but I’m going to do it. Husband has also said that he will run it too so this will kick his 10k training plan off – it’s depressing that he will probably be able to run 5k off in one go, but I do like the idea of us training for the same race together. He will probably have to loop me often until I get quicker but on Sunday 15^th May we will both sit down to a (very large) lunch knowing that we have both run 10k. I may, or may not be wearing a fluorescent yellow headband.

This week’s blog will be written in a couple of parts.

Today is Monday and since I last updated my blog I have shared it for the first time with family and friends. It’s now “out there” and everybody knows that I am running.

Your response to this has been overwhelming. I have been extremely moved and I’m so happy and lucky that I have such lovely friends and family. It’s been amazing. I have had lots of encouragement, positive comments and some very helpful tips as well – thank you for these. I’ve also had an invite to a “tough mudder” race later in the year (which ends with a travellator – which I imagine to be something you might see on Total Wipeout) and I’ll admit that I am sorely tempted.

But now that you all know, I suddenly feeling under quite a lot of pressure. I’ve signed up for the 10k in May and I’m panicking slightly. What if I can’t do this? Can I actually get to the point to be able to run 10k in another 4 months? Will you all be disappointed if I have to walk a little bit?

It hasn’t helped my confidence that the last 2 runs I have done haven’t been great and I feel like I’m not improving. This is one of the things that I am finding out about running. Everyone that runs, says “don’t worry we all have bad runs, draw a line and move on. You still went” but the last two have been rubbish.

On Saturday, I went up to the Downs with Sporty Daughter. It was a last minute plan, due to the fact that Younger Daughter had a party in Brentry and it suddenly dawned on me that by the time I had driven home from dropping her off, I would have to turn around to go and pick her up again, so to squeeze a run in would be a good use of time.

Upon arriving at the Downs, two things occurred to me. The first was the realisation that I had only had a glass of water and one cup of tea since I had got up in the morning and I was thirsty. (It was 3.30pm when we arrived). Rule number 1 of running is always to have lots of water to hand – and I didn’t.

The second was that it was freezing. Really, really cold. Sporty Daughter and I were woefully underdressed for the temperature and Daughter immediately started complaining. I had to think fast and said although it was cold we would run fast and would soon be warm. This meant that I went off much quicker than I would have done normally, which coupled with the fact that I was de-hydrated, made for a horrid and very difficult 4k. We used the app (although she ran on ahead and looped back to me to keep moving and warm) and I struggled. I also (and unusually for me) felt very self-conscious when I was running alongside the road with my wobbly bottom on full view for all the cars and their passengers. In fact, I was feeling so self-conscious that I didn’t even want to run on the path by the side of the road at all, so we ran on the grass. This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it was very wet and muddy and my feet and socks got wet. We won’t even talk about the state of Daughter’s trainers. What is it with children and puddles? Peppa Pig has a lot to answer for.

I was desperate not to let Daughter down but by the time we were round the loop I was nearly in tears and I felt sick. I was very glad to get in the car and leave.  I had already planned to go for a run the next day to earn my Sunday Lunch, as was becoming tradition, and I was sure that the next day and next run would be better.

Unfortunately, this was not to be. On the Saturday evening we were invited to the farewell party of some very good friends as they embark on a new adventure on a different continent. I’m going to miss them and so I’m not sure whether it was the sadness that they were leaving, gin and tonic, Jagermeister like German shots, general sense of dehydration, not having had enough to eat or the half an hour I spent in the Bouncy Castle Disco Dome bouncing along to Taylor Swift and Relight my Fire by Take That (best song ever FACT), but on Sunday morning, I couldn’t even keep water down and a run was definitely not on the cards.

This meant that the next day I could run was on Monday.

I have plotted a loop from my office that is 4.6k. I know that last week I said I need the app, but the reality is that if I run for 60 minutes, at the speed that I run, I won’t have completed the 10k. So I have decided that I need to start completing distances – even if it takes me a long time, at least I’ll know I can do it.

So I’m going to start trying to run 4.5-5k distances, knowing that I will still have to walk some, but at some point (hopefully within 6-8 weeks) I will be able to run 5k without stopping.

I decided to go at lunchtime today as I’ve been a bit nervous running on the way home in the dark. I run my own business and today it was just me and Husband in the office (not that I think Hockey Sister would object anyway) so I decided that I would risk a bit of afternoon sweat!

Again, however, it was awful. My first kilometre split was 6.34 minutes and I was ruined. I had no idea I was going so fast, but the upshot of it was that I had to walk more of the rest of the loop than I have done previously. I am feeling quite disheartened. I did run/walk but probably only in 2 minute/30 second splits and I was completely shattered.  I can’t get the pacing right at all.

I have looked at my “Sunday Run of Glory” (which is what I’m calling it now, in case it really is the best that I ever manage) that I completed with Sister 3 just a week or so ago when I ran for 19 minutes in one go. When I check the timings though, this run had 10.30 and 11 minute kilometre splits and we sped up in the middle. Starting off with a 6 minute something second split may very well kill me and certainly isn’t going to get me to the point where I am able to run 5k in one go. Unfortunately though, I have no idea how to practically do anything about this. But I’ll do the loop again on Wednesday and see what happens.

One positive from the run however (and we should always try and find a positive in any situation), was that I ran/walked 4.6k in 39 minutes and actually it isn’t that far. Perhaps I should give a park run a go, even if I know I will have to walk a bit. Something to ponder.

Today (Wednesday) was a different day however, and I am pleased to report I’m feeling much less despondant and much more positive.

Firstly I have lost more weight and I am able to wear jeans that I bought last year in Florida “to slim into”. This is a brilliant feeling and makes me happy.

Secondly, I went out for a run at lunchtime today and it was much better. I am back to using the app (I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure….!) but as the app is only 31 minutes’ long, at the end I kept going until I had completed 5.4k. I managed 8 minute and 12 minute runs (with 3 minutes’ walk in between each) for 45 minutes and then walked the rest until I reached 5k. I was out for nearly an hour, fitbit buzzed and it felt good. I was much slower of course but I kept going. I may have to reconcile myself with the fact that I’m unlikely to break Paula Radcliffe’s record anytime soon and just concentrate on getting my minutes of consecutive running up, but progress is progress I suppose.

The other thing that I have found, is that although the run on Monday was awful, I still prefer running in the day to running on my own in the dark (I’m a bit of a wimp).  If I can complete next week according to the app (which is 20 and 25 minutes in one go – eek) then I’m going to ask to go out with Sister 3 again and try and push my times forward. If anyone else (that I know personally) would like to go out with me for a run (and importantly is happy with c10 minute per kilometre times) then do please let me know as I would love a bit of company, slow company, but company all the same.

Slow and steady – apparently – wins the race. Frankly this is laughable, but slow and steady will hopefully allow me to finish the race. At the moment, this is what I am aiming for.

This has been a week of highs and lows.

I would describe myself conclusively as a positive person so we’ll start with the highs:

• I am definitely getting fitter. This is excellent. I am walking more and (importantly) I’m happy to be walking more. I love the excitement when my fitbit buzzes at 10000 steps – this never gets old. Last night when I finished work, I realised that I didn’t have my purse with me meaning I couldn’t get the bus, so I walked home from work. I didn’t give it a second thought, I just put my trainers on and walked home. Fast. It cleared my head from a stressful day at work and I enjoyed walking fast and making my heart thump in my chest. I wouldn’t have considered doing that a month ago.
• Running is slowly beginning to become like a habit. I still don’t really enjoy it when I’m actually running, but on the other hand I also don’t hate it either. Some runs are better than others but I haven’t missed one yet. It’s something I am making myself do, regularly. I’m trying to go every other day if possible and I’m achieving this. So far I have run in the ice (I was terrified I would fall over) and I have also run home in the wind and the rain. I quite enjoyed running in the rain, but I didn’t enjoy the wind.
• I have managed to find a high-viz lightweight kagoul on the Sports Direct website that fits me and although it’s quite long and a bit like a dress, I do feel ok in it. It has secret pockets – not big enough for a phone though. I don’t know what I’m supposed to keep in them….at the moment I am keeping my inhaler in there but hopefully at some stage it will become clear. Does anyone know?
• I am also using a “bum bag” to keep my phone in. Much as I love my Iphone 6+ (and I do love it), it’s not brilliant to carry on a run as it’s pretty big. The bumbag seems to be the only viable option at the moment. I could run without my phone of course, but I like the GPS option on the fitbit app which logs all the information so, I need it. Although I am beginning to research a Fitbut Surge….I do love a gadget.

And the lows:

• This week I didn’t lose any weight – which possibly confirms my theory from last week about the alcohol. Although I have known that there was no way that my weight loss would keep on at the rate that it had been, I will confess that not losing any weight this week was disappointing. I am gutted if being completely honest (which is, after all, the point of this blog). It’s probably important to say also though, that I haven’t gained any either and I suppose given the amount of gin and red wine that I drank on Saturday night this is an achievement.
• My right foot has been aching. It doesn’t hurt but it has been a bit uncomfortable. It aches along the outside of my foot and I have been very worried that I had injured myself (which I know I am risk of doing as I am so heavy – hence my disappointment at not losing weight this week). It started aching on Tuesday evening after my run home from work and ached all day yesterday, but this morning it was ok. I have just run home and it’s aching again. I’ll need to monitor this, but it could just be that running is hard and you get aches and pains. As Sister 2 would say (hockey player, takes no prisoners) I should just “man up and get on with it”. Hopefully this is all it is.

Since I last posted a blog I have run 5 times.

On Saturday, Sporty Daughter, who is keen to train for the Junior Park Run, wanted to come out with me. As is often the case with siblings, anything Sporty Daughter wants to do, the Little One immediately wants the same (even if probably she doesn’t really want to do it after all). Sporty Daughter running with me is one thing (she is 9 so old enough to not get in the way and is after all, very sporty) but Younger Daughter is a completely different proposition. If she gets a stitch, or gets fed up, I am not going to be able to stop  – well I could obviously, but I don’t want to as all I can really do when I’m out running is essentially put one foot in front of the other and manage to breathe (most of the time). So I enlisted the help of Husband and said that if Younger Daughter was coming, he has to come too.

He was quick to suggest that it might be better if he didn’t run but ride his bike, which in turn was quickly echoed by Younger Daughter. So now Sporty Daughter and I are running and Younger Daughter and Husband are on their bikes. (No, Husband did not have a megaphone as he cycled along like the scene from the film Rocky – and don’t give him any ideas). We set off and actually it was ok. It was hard as the running distances have begun to increase now on the app, but I managed. It was a bit hap hazard as Sporty Daughter was a little frustrated with my lack of speed, but with Husband in tow, was able to run on ahead and then come back, so it was a good workout for her too. The app had me running 8 minutes in one go and my chest nearly burst with pride when I heard Younger Daughter say to Sporty Daughter “I don’t think I could run for as long as Mummy is, she’s doing brilliantly”. I felt so proud. I was sweating, red in the face and out of puff, but I was proud. I was doing this and my girls were seeing me do it.

As a mother of two daughters, in my opinion, it is very important that they see you strive to do something that is hard. Life throws things are you all the time that are hard but human nature is to avoid them and then what do you learn? But it’s really only by doing things that are hard – really hard, that we can better ourselves. I want my girls to be the best that they can be and they both have things that they are good at, and they also have things that they find difficult. Hopefully, by them seeing me sweat and puff, they will feel happier about trying and achieving the things that they find hard and will not be afraid. As the old saying goes “Nothing worth having comes easy”. I have this on a postcard stuck on a wall next to my desk. I also have “Failure is not an Option” (AKA Apollo 13) stuck next to it.

On Sunday, we had a family gathering and were to go to Sister 3’s for lunch along with my Mum, Sister 2 and Sister in Law (Fitbit Buddy), husbands and children. We are a huge family and it’s always a bit of a riot, but always fun.

Sister 3 (training for the London Marathon) had asked me to take my running gear up with me and run a 3k loop with her (before she then set off to do 10k). Having run the day before, I was a bit worried but we set off. This was also the first time I had run with anyone else, or without the app, and I was feeling pretty exposed and nervous. But Sister 3 simply said that we should just go slow and if I needed to walk, we would walk.

Please take a moment to reflect on our running outfits if you will. I was wearing my high viz kagoul, ¾ length running trousers (tight at the top and baggy at the bottom) and black top. Sister 3 was wearing tight running shorts, running jacket and knee length socks. We both put on comedy headbands to keep the hair from our eyes and looked like the men from the 118 adverts (minus the moustaches!) and yet we didn’t care. We passed a couple of people on the run and nobody openly laughed at us, but I wouldn’t have cared if they had. I felt like we were a team.

On Sunday afternoon with Sister 3, I ran for 19 minutes consecutively and 31 minutes in total – and of the 31 minutes, I think I only walked for 90 seconds.

I cannot tell you how happy I was. Finally I felt like I was getting somewhere. I also really, REALLY enjoyed running with someone. It felt social, we had a chat (well a bit of one as I needed to concentrate on breathing) and it made me want to not let my running partner down. I know my running partner here was my sister, who has been supportive and fantastic since I started this project, but even so. It has further confirmed that I really want to get to a point where I can go out and run for 30-45 minutes with someone else. Hopefully my friend whom I talked about last week (I’m sure I will talk about her more over the weeks so I’m naming her the Red Lady). It has really spurred me on.

When we got back to Sister 3’s house, we were feeling pretty positive and inspired. Fitbit sister (who has just bought a treadmill to start running the c25k at home) and Husband started talking about us running and well, the upshot is, that Sister 3, Fitbit Sister, Husband and I have all signed up to do the Bristol 10k in May. #GOOOOOOTEAM. Maybe we should get matching T shirts?!

After my successful 19 minutes of consecutive running on Sunday, on Tuesday night it was pouring with rain. I had (ill advisedly) decided to abandon my app and just try and run home. It was partly successful, partly unsuccessful. I definitely managed to run further in one go than the app would have made me, but I was very tired, and towards the end, I definitely walked more than I had on previous runs. So although I still ran, and ran for 15 minutes in one go, I have decided to go back the app. I need the structure.

I have stopped using the NHS c25k app. It sometimes doesn’t work and although I miss the supportive chatter from “Laura” (the lady who talks to you on the app) I have now downloaded the 0-10k app. There is much less chat on this one and basically a terrifying American Lady (who sounds like she completes a triathlon in her bikini every morning before breakfast) tells you to “walk” or “run” after a timed “bong”. Not much else. It’s extremely business like and follows the “less is more” principle. However, if I’m to complete a 10k race in 4 months’ time, I guess it really is time to get down to business.

Tonight I completed the 2^nd run of week 3 and I can now run for 3 minutes. My goodness it’s hard but I force myself to keep going even though I’m scared that I might actually vomit.

The stitches are still coming but they aren’t so vicious and I can deal with them (so far). I have to say that I’m beginning to understand what the running “bug” is all about. All day I look forward to the run, but the second I start it, I am full of self-doubt and self-loathing. Why am I so overweight? Why is this so hard? I will never be able to run 5k, etc and then I finish. The feeling of euphoria is immense. I feel absolutely amazing. It’s brilliant. So I think I run to get the high afterwards and I wonder if the run, itself, will ever be enjoyable? Maybe it won’t but will it become easier to endure? Maybe it isn’t supposed to ever NOT be hard. Time will tell I suppose. I live in hope but honestly I’m not that optimistic.

This evening took me completely out of my comfort zone as I am in London overnight with work. It’s my night to run so I packed my stuff and bought it with me (are you impressed? I was!)  I have just run (well, run/walked as per the instructions of the terrifying American lady on the app) around the City of London and the big news is that people didn’t point or stare. In fact, 2 ladies running the other way smiled at me as they passed me. When I got into the lift when I came back to the hotel, a man asked me “how had I found the cold?” and “he was about to go out for his run etc”. I am amazed. I do not look like a runner at all, but they don’t see that. In fact, I have been very encouraged by other runners full stop. It’s a club and I am on the verge of becoming a member.

One of my very good friends is a runner and she did the 10k and has run a half marathon. She is great and very determined and she has been nothing short of amazing with me. She has lots of advice and is constantly asking me how I am getting on. I really value the support. I hope to be able to get to a point that I can run with her and we can go out and train together. If I do ever get to a point to be able to run 5k or (dare I dare to believe it) 10k, I hope we can be each other’s training buddy. (Of course I am worried about all our training sessions ending in the pub but we’ll just have to manage that!)

I have also joined a Facebook group called “This Mum Runs” and it’s full of running mums of varying abilities. They run C25k workshops (which I did consider but due to my job I can’t commit to the same night each week which is why I am using the app) and there are plenty of ladies in the same boat as me. I want to know these ladies and make friends with them. I am a very sociable person and this is more motivation. The social side is not something I had considered in the beginning. It was and is about getting fit and setting a good example for my daughters .(By the way, Sporty Daughter is becoming slightly obsessed with the prospect of me running a 5k Park Run and she now wants to sign up for the Junior Park Run herself – so I’m making this my first goal. Can I run 2k in one go to accompany her round the course? I’m sure I will do it. I find it quite easy to motivate myself where my girls are concerned (and it’s only 2k!)

This week I had my birthday and I’m now 41. I don’t feel any different but I’m hoping I will feel different when I’m 42. What I do know is that running is so hard, that if (no when) I get to the point that I can run 5k, I am never, ever, going to stop. It’s such a monumental effort to get fit in the first place, so it will be important never to stop, so I don’t have to go through the pain of starting again. I’m definitely in this for the long term.

I am racking up more steps on my fitbit most days now and I’m hitting 10000 steps more and more regularly. There is a real sense of achievement when it buzzes. Sometimes it makes me jump (people must look at me like I’m insane!) but it always makes me smile.

If anyone reading this is thinking about possibly trying the c25k, I would strongly urge you to get a fitbit, or something similar, first. I’m slowly learning and understanding that this isn’t just about the couch to 5k, it’s more importantly about a shift in lifestyle, and generally being more active. It makes me think about walking when I might previously have driven. I have started walking longer than the app says to at the end of each running session too. I like that the blood is pumping but I no longer have to run! I find that I walk very fast indeed and to my mind, even though I’ve finished the “run/walk/shuffle” I’m still moving so that must be a good thing?

Also, I’m not dieting at all. However, I am religiously logging all the calories I consume on a daily basis using the fitbit app. Honestly it’s so easy and no effort at all. The app has so many preloaded items (including lots of restaurants) and has a barcode scanner too that I haven’t yet not been able to find something, but it also has the option to add your own items too. It also shows you how many calories you burn so I figure as long as I burn more than I eat over the course of a week, I should, in theory, lose weight. Of course the more active you are, the more calories you burn, so the more you can eat, giving even more incentive to walk and complete the runs.

I don’t know how scientific the above is, but it seems to be working as I have lost 15 pounds since the 28 December (when I started this little project). I am delighted. I have still had Sunday lunches and what we, in our family, call a “log box tea” – which is essentially cheese, crackers and pate (my Mum used to put this out on the box we kept the logs in by the fire when we were kids, hence the name) and I have eaten what I wanted, but then was careful the next day, but I am not dieting. It’s important to understand this so I’ll say it again. I AM NOT DIETING. Diets fail and as soon as you stop dieting, you put the weight back on. (I’ve done that twice with Slimming World in my life). I’m making sensible choices and being informed. I have also been out to eat a few times and also had a Wetherspoons cooked breakfast (breakfast of champions, possibly NOT one of my aforementioned “sensible choices!”) on my birthday, so I’m definitely not existing on 1200 calories a day. As a rule I’m consuming 1600-1900 calories each day with quite a few more on a Sunday ( I do love a Sunday lunch) but I have got myself into a routine of making sure that one of my 3 runs happens on a Sunday, before lunch. This way I feel like I have a little reward to look forward to and hopefully means that the roast potatoes won’t be too damaging…

Also I think it’s only fair to say that one of the reasons I might have lost so much (well it’s probably quite a lot of the reason) is that I am not really drinking any alcohol at the moment and have only had 1 beer (on my birthday) since New Year’s Eve. I do love a drink. Champagne and gin are my favourites, but I will drink most things apart from cider which can make me quite gobby (or so I’m told!) I won’t be giving alcohol up so I suspect that this will slow the weightloss down in the coming weeks. Still, I’m enjoying it now.

I have a boozy Saturday night on the horizon this weekend so we shall see if that impacts any weightloss or notloss next week.

Getting back to my birthday, I received some money as a present and Husband knew of a sale on running gear at trusty Sports Direct so we went to have a look at the weekend. I have been running in huge jogging trousers and an oversized sweatshirt and on a run home from work last week, a cyclist (who did not have a light on his bike I add) was about 5 feet from me as I was crossing the road. He didn’t see me, I didn’t see him and honestly he nearly hit me. This was during the last of the runs on the app session and I had zero energy to get out of his way and it was a very close thing indeed. Therefore, I thought some high viz might be a good idea. I had visions of running trousers with matching high viz jacket and looking very cool but unfortunately, when I tried the clothes on, nothing fitted me. I mean nothing. Not even men’s XL. I also tried on some running tights. This was a huge mistake. As sister 3 always says, there are 2 things that never lie, children and leggings. Let’s just say I’m not trying running leggings on again until March…the end of March! I was pretty depressed about it, but was at least accepting that hopefully this would be last time this happens to me.

I did however, get some new running shoes and I am quite chuffed with them. They are very comfy and I also have some gel inserts (as advised by the very encouraging man in Sport Direct) which make them even squishier. I’ve run in them a couple of times now and they are definitely better than my old pair.

The cliché is not lost on me however, that “fat girl can’t get clothes to fit so buys shoes”.

I have over 50 pairs of shoes (in the past I have had upwards of 120 pairs) – many with high heels that I can’t wear because I am too heavy and I also have a considerable handbag collection. As Sarah Millican quite rightly points out, “you’re never too fat for a handbag”.  I love handbags but I also like clothes. I keep reminding myself this will give me the choice of buying either…hopefully.

12 January 2016

Tonight I ran my 5^th run in my c25k.

I’m 41 this week and weigh over 18 stone. I have 2 beautiful daughters both of which do lots of sport which I am passionate about them continuing to do. I, like many other ladies, was sporty when I was younger, then went off to University, discovered boys and beer and my health deteriorated.

I met my husband when I was 25 and he, at that time was training for a half marathon (which he completed). I thought he was insane. I wrote off running as something that I could never do, nor would I ever be able to, but I was always a tiny bit envious.

Then I got married and the weight piled on….I lost about 2 stone to get pregnant (joined a gym – which I hated) and had my beautiful girls in 2006 and 2008.

I was now carrying “baby weight”. I am still carrying babyweight and my “baby” was 8 last week. Maybe this is why, but something in the past month has happened to me. I don’t quite know what it is, but I have snapped. Time to do something about this.

I am fed up with being fat, overweight, unhealthy, a terrible example to my daughters. I have to do something about it.

On the 26^th December I bought myself a fitbit (I was hoping for one for Christmas, but I didn’t get one and sometimes you have to take charge of your own destiny). This was the beginning for me. My first step. I felt like I had turned a corner.

I started using it gradually. Firstly I simply recorded my steps – 10000 steps is a LOT. Then I started to record my calories. Despite eating (what felt like my bodyweight) in cheese between Christmas and New Year, I lost 4 pounds, purely (as far as I can tell) by completing 10000 steps each day.

 

c25k Week One.

This spurred me on. If I can lose weight over the Christmas period, then I really CAN lose weight. So I downloaded the Couch to 5k app onto my trusty Iphone. A friend who I recently bumped into had lost 3.5 stone by running and she swore by it. “it was the best thing she ever did” etc. If she can do it, then why not me?

So…nervously, I set out. Daughter 1 (Super sporty) was very excited by my decision. I am very careful around my daughters never to use language such as “diet” or “fat”, so I made a big deal about wanting to get “FIT”. Daughter 1 was determined to encourage me and said she would come with me for my first run. I was horribly embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to see me so we went over to the allotments. There is a concrete loop running around the perimeter that is quite flat (very important) so we set off.

It was hard. Very, very hard. Daughter 1 was running on ahead and then coming back (doing starjumps to pass the time as I struggled to catch her up) but was shouting encouragement to me at the same time. I felt strongly that this was something I had to do. I couldn’t let her see me fail.

I literally felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest, but I kept going. Running so very slowly that at times I felt like I was going backwards, but I KEPT going.

When the lady on the app told me that I had completed the first run, I nearly cried with emotion.

I hadn’t run for a minute since I was at school. It may sound like a small thing, but it wasn’t. It was huge. It made me believe that I can really do this. Imagine if I could get to a point where I could run 5k? That would be amazing. I could run home from work 3 times a week, I would be fit, healthy and importantly, I would be able to eat what I wanted – no more stupid yoyo dieting.

So the worst was over with. The first run. So I planned when I would do the following 2 runs.

On Tuesday morning I decided to do the second run on the way to work. This was a horrible mistake. I have learned a few things over the past week, but the most important is never to run on an empty stomach. I managed the run, was able to run for 60 seconds (just) but when I arrived at work, I sweated for 25 minutes solidly and then felt shaky and sick until 3 pm in the afternoon. Never again.

The final run of week 1 was on Thursday evening. I made sure I ate a good lunch and then ate a couple of large pieces of fruit before leaving the office. (I know all the athletes eat bananas but I am allergic to them so I needed an alternative – big apples seem to do the trick) As soon as I got home, I changed and went straight out. This time it was dark so I didn’t go to the unlit allotment on my own, I decided to try the local loop near my house. It was hard but ok. It didn’t seem any easier than the first run (Sunday) but it was much easier than Tuesday morning, possibly down to the fact that I had eaten. I wore a beanie hat pulled down low so nobody would recognise me (not that I saw anyone on my travels). I had completed week 1 and was absolutely elated. Seriously. You cannot imagine the sense of achievement that I felt. This was huge.

For the first time I actually felt that perhaps I COULD run 5k, but also I know that I have to take it one run at a time and not get ahead of myself.

The pain whilst I was running was real, real puffing, stitches, red face, sweating but the feeling about 45 minutes I had finished? Well this must not be underestimated. AMAZING. It felt AMAZING.

WEEK 2

I was scared all over again. This week I was to run for 90 seconds.

Sunday was feeling like a lucky day for me so I had breakfast and set off up to one of the local parks. It has a perimeter loop that was (importantly as before) flat. I started listening to the podcast of Laura congratulating me on making it through to week 2 and as I started my warm up walk, I looked around the park. It wasn’t busy but there were people there. Mainly dog walkers and people like me, running/walking but definitely exercising. All running at different paces, different shapes, different sizes. Granted – there were a couple of Lycra clad wonders, who were running fast and were clearly super fit, but there were plenty of others who were working very hard with red faces and at least one other overweight lady sweating and shuffling her way around the loop. We smiled at each other as we passed each other – we knew how we looked but we were still there, challenging ourselves for the better.

The run was still very tough indeed but I am proud to say that I didn’t stop running until Laura told me I could – although on the penultimate run, I was running VERY slowly indeed but I kept going. When I finished, I walked the long way home. I was very pleased with myself and slowly was beginning to believe. My fitbit vibrated at 10000 steps – I was really doing this. I ate a big Sunday lunch and enjoyed it.

 

It’s now that I should mention some important people in my Iife. My husband, Sister 3 and sister in law.

My husband is brilliant in every way. He is supportive and extremely encouraging. Last night he said to me that when I get to 5k, I should keep going and get to 10k. If I can get to 10k then I should sign up for the half marathon and he would train with me.

Now my first reaction to this is “whooooaaaaa soldier, slow down there” but he is convinced I can do it. So I have said I will take each stage as it comes. When I get to 5k I will hopefully continue to go for 10k (the Bristol 10k is in May so this feels possible) but then I will consider the possibility of the half marathon. Can you imagine if I could run a half marathon?! But let’s bench that for now.

 

My sister is signed up to do the London marathon on April 24^th this year. She is one of the most determined and stubborn individuals I have ever met. She can be infuriating but she is brilliant and I fully admire her. She decided that she would run the marathon and I have no doubt she will do it. She has been extremely encouraging to me. She has consistently said that I can run and most of my objections were in my mind. She also gave me the very valuable advice of running slowly.

 

Finally my sister in law. She is my fitbit buddy. She beats my step tally every single day but we support each other. She recently had my nephew who is 8 months old now and is the most gorgeous baby to have ever graced the planet (with the exception of my own daughters of course). To get pregnant with him, she had to undergo IVF and to be allowed to have IVF she had to reduce her BMI. She started to run to lose weight and she is going to start again and I am going to support her.

A few moments ago, we signed up for a 5k colour run.

 

This evening I ran home from work and completed the 2^nd of 3 runs on week 2. It wasn’t terrible and for the first time I didn’t get a stitch. It was still hard but I did feel like I am making a bit of progress.

I am also amazed at the amount of ground I cover just by running then walking, then running then walking. I noticed something else this evening too – according to the fitbit, I am speeding up! On Sunday my km splits were 10.32 and 10.12 and this evening my splits were 9.39 and 9.59. It’s ridiculous how happy I am about this.

 

I am going to do my 3^rd run of the week on Friday morning and on Saturday I will be 41.

41 and a runner? We’ll see but I hope so.