It’s 4 and a bit weeks since I rolled over on my ankle and happily, it no longer hurts.

I have diligently been doing my exercises and seeing the Physio every Friday as he helps me strengthen my ankle and get it back up to “running readiness”. I suspect that the Physio thinks I am a little bit bonkers (he is probably right, let’s be honest), but he assures me that his job is to facilitate my madness. However, he will not send me back out to run until I am safe and my foot is ready and he’s said this more than once. In the meantime, I was to focus on swimming and cycling.

Swimming now happens on a Tuesday morning (every week without fail) and then usually on a Thursday also. My swimming lessons have now finished and so from this week I am rejoining the tri-club swimming sessions on a Thursday evening. I’m nervous and excited at the same time but it will be important to get used to swimming with lots of people due to “mass start” at the beginning of open water swims. I have read horror stories about people swimming over the top of others in the sea/lake and people getting shoved and hit in the throng of 200 swimmers all starting at the same time. *note to self, need to fit in some boxing*. Merida has booked myself and her onto an open water swimming course at “Mad Mike’s” lake in North Bristol and this starts early May. I still don’t have a wetsuit, but as the lake is around 11c…..I am motivated to get one soon.

But my main focus since falling, has been my bike. Keeping Triathlon Mum’s words “train for the cycle and you will complete the triathlon” at the forefront of my mind, I was keen to get some miles in. Luckily Dr Crane is a keen cyclist and so 2 of my recent PT sessions have been out on the bike for a loop around Bristol including some hills. Going up hills is hideous and let’s not pretend otherwise, but I do spend a lot of time working on my leg strength and as I learn more about my bike, and how the gears work it is easier. Dr Crane is very patient and has been helping me with the technical understanding bits as well as the general terror I feel at being around cars on the road and I am slowly getting more confident. Going downhill is terrifying. I (almost) close my eyes (*I don’t obviously*) and say out loud for the entirety of the descent “I AM GOING TO DIE”. It is very scary but Dr Crane is adamant that I try not to brake (as long as it’s safe of course) in order to utilise the speed.

I love being on my bike but it isn’t comfortable. 2 weekends ago Merida and I, accompanied by our friend the Tequila Queen, cycled out to Clevedon for a coffee and some cake (this is apparently law within the cycling community. Triathletes and cyclists are not fuelled by protein shakes as people assume, they are fuelled by coffee and cake).

The route was quiet (cycle paths and country lanes – no busy main roads at all much to my relief) and although there were a couple of hills, I coped ok and was awarded a sunburnt nose for my efforts. It was my longest cycle ever at 60k and this was important as the 100k bike ride was looming very close now. It was also a long ride “clipped” into the pedals by my cleats but I didn’t fall and they really do make a difference to your overall power.

Unfortunately, my shoulders hurt so much the week after that swimming was tortuous and so I booked to have, what is called a “bike fit” to improve the comfort on the bike. Whilst it is never going to like sitting on a sofa, it should be bearable and this is what the bike fit would solve.

I cannot recommend 73 Degrees in Keynsham enough. My “bike fit” took 3 and a half hours in total and when I left I knew that my cycling position was correct. It started with me laying down on a physio bed whilst Jon rotated my hips to see how flexible I was and then assessed my back strength and overall flexibility. The idea was to understand if my body could withstand the most aggressive bike position which would give me the most speed (apparently my body could, which was a genuine shock to us all) but as this position has you leaning forward and your back quite flat (to make your body aerodynamic) unfortunately, my boobs are less helpful or understanding about being fast, As I cycled in this position, my knees kept knocking into my boobs which was not so good. Bruised boobs are not something I’m keen on and so we compromised. A tweak of the saddle to lift it,  the handlebars being brought closer to me by 3 centimetres, a new saddle (oh hallelujah), adding washers to the pedals to make my leg rotate more efficiently, nothing was left to chance. It was a bit like an eye test where after a while, I didn’t really know if the “red or green” was clearer, but Jon said it would be obvious when it was too high/far and it was. I left 73 degrees extremely happy and feeling much more confident about the 100k Tour de Bristol which was the following Saturday.

Here is the web-link for 73 Degrees. https://www.73degreesbicycleshop.com/

I cannot recommend them enough. I like to judge people on how they manage my never-ending stream of stupid questions and Jon was fantastic. (Not an ad by the way).

The day of the 100k arrived and I collected Merida in the car to make the drive up to UWE. I have history in signing up for events (mainly running so far, as you know), I train hard for them, but rarely (ie never) read the information that the race organisers send me beforehand. Just ask Hattie! I rock up and ask “what is it today?!” and then set off. I have learned that cycling is quite different however.

If there is a hill in a running race, whilst it might make you swear a bit, you can walk if you choose to but they are rarely that long or steep. Saturday taught me that this is absolutely NOT the case with cycling and it makes sense to look at the route before you set off. But if I had looked at it, I may well have not signed up for it at all.

The first 20k was fantastic. Quiet roads and glorious weather. It was my first taste of riding in a big group too as there were about 50 or so cyclists that set off at the same time and it took a good 10-15k for us to spread out a bit. All the cyclists were lovely. All enjoying themselves and excited about what the day would bring. We cycled over the old Severn Bridge. This is something I have always wanted to do and it didn’t disappoint. I loved it.

We passed into Wales and then the hills started. Kilometres 20-50 were savage. We went up, and then up, then down a little bit and then up again. It got to the point that I could no longer allow myself to enjoy the downhill for fear about what hill would be waiting for me at the bottom of it. Merida is a very experienced cyclist and she had promised to get me round the course (as has become tradition over the years of our friendship!)

When you weigh more than the average triathlete, gravity is your friend when you go down the hills (my top speed on Saturday was 36 miles per hour which feels extremely fast on a pushbike!) and I was faster than Merida, who is so slight I feel a strong gust would flip her over! But on the uphill, there is absolutely no advantage to being overweight and I could feel every extra pound I carry. Going uphill was hard but I didn’t stop. I used my gears (correctly most of the time) and kept going to the top of the hill but everyone passed me. We were all struggling. You’d get into a little routine of passing and then being passed by the same bunch of people. One such lady passed me on the uphill almost crying as she said to me “when will it stop going up?!” and I wondered the same. My thighs were burning and I was wondering what on earth I was doing there but then we arrived at the 50k point where there was a food station. A cup of tea, a couple of mini mars bars, a toilet stop including some reapplication of some cream to my undercarriage and I was feeling better. I asked Merida if there were more hills in a slightly terrified voice but was very happy to hear that the bulk of the elevation was behind us. As we left the 50k point, the following 10-15k was all downhill. Oh how glorious it was. The rest of the ride was good although I was tired, but the sun had come out and we were enjoying ourselves. The hill into Chepstow, that I’d been warned about was more of a “hump” compared with the mountains that we had already climbed earlier that day, but the hill at 93k nearly finished me off. I was shattered and there was nothing in my legs. I am ashamed to tell you that I got off my bike and walked the final 100 yards up that hill but I was spent.

Nonetheless, we got back to UWE and I received a medal, my first of the year. I was sobbing and enjoyed a tearful hug with Merida, RubyRed and the Baron who had also finished. It felt like a massive achievement. But it has showed me that I have lots of work to do still. Not only on hills, but I do need to keep losing weight. I have lost 16 pounds since Christmas but Saturday showed me that the more I lose, the faster I will climb the hills. Learning from Saturday, I have since looked up the route for Weymouth and it is hilly. Not quite as hilly as last weekend, but not far off. I need to take off 1 hour and 20 minutes from my time to make the cutoff in September, which is no small feat, and I know that losing weight will help this.

I also need to learn to eat on the bike. I did eat quite a bit on Saturday and drank plenty, but I burned 4438 calories on the ride and 6387 over the course of the day. I had a terrible headache until 9pm on Saturday night and couldn’t get my hydration back to what it should be. Now this is alarming as for both triathlons, I need to get straight off the bike and then run/walk 13 miles. If I can’t get the nutrition sorted, I will keel over. So lots to think about and practice but for now, I will enjoy my first medal of 2019 and try not to worry about the rest.

Over the past 3 years I have learned that running is an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. Much like the Grand Old Duke of York, you are either up, up, up or down, down, down and the past 2 weeks have demonstrated this in ways that even Nostradamus would have had no inkling to forsee.

I needed to do one more long run in order to feel confident that I would be able to get round the Big Half comfortably and had planned to do another park run sandwich but this time with a lady who I met when I spoke at “Run Fest” when I was invited to speak at it last year. If you’re interested in running, then do check out “RunFest” as it’s a buffet of interesting and motivating individuals who speak passionately about running. It’s inspiring and you also pick up lots of tips. (I suspect that people were a bit short changed in the “tips” department the night that I spoke!) @Sarahgetsfitandhealthy has an instafeed packed full of witticisms, mental health advice and observations and of course running and we have stayed in touch. She recently moved house and now lives locally and so we made a plan to run to parkrun together. Unfortunately, with life being what it is, at the last minute I had to bail due to a fairly serious family emergency. @sarah understood of course but we still haven’t run together yet. But we will.

This meant that in order to get the long run in, I had to bunk off work on the following Wednesday for a couple of hours in the morning.  It was a truly glorious day and the sceptical Brit in me wonders if we might have already had our Summer, but regardless, I was happy to take advantage of the sunshine. I needed an eleven mile route would end at my office near Temple Meads station and so being unsure, sought the advice of the “This Mum Runs” community who delivered fantastically. On the Wednesday morning, in the penultimate week before the Big Half, I set off on a journey that took me from my house to Ashton Court and then down Whiteladies Road back into town. It was wonderful. Every so often, and as you know from reading this blog that they are rare for me, but every so often I have a run that is perfect. I am sure the weather helped (I should have taken my sunglasses with me) but I felt strong. Everything was clicking. My breathing was right (I have been working on this with Dr Crane), I was hydrated properly, I had eaten and I was fast… *fast for me*… and was definitely well on track for a sub 3 hour half (which is my minimum requirement) but more than likely heading for quite a big PB. And I’m talking 7-9 minutes off my last half marathon time.

I spend a lot of time training and most of the time I do it blind, trying to keep the faith that everything I do, under the careful instruction of Dr Crane, will get me to my ultimate goal of crossing the finish line of the triathlon in June in one piece. I complete every piece of training and give it my best, but often feel like I’m not really getting better and it’s hard to assess whether there is any improvement as I’m usually knackered from training so much and life in general. This is why a perfect run is so important to re-ignite the belief once in a while. It gives me the reason to keep going. You can feel the improvements and enjoy the experience (apart from running up Ashton Court hill – that will never be enjoyable).

I arrived at work and felt amazing. Those endorphins are powerful. Life was good and I was looking forward to racing Sir Mo around London at the Big Half.

Although I wasn’t really tapering, apart from a couple of light and “easy” runs, the focus switched immediately to cycling as apart from the Big Half, the next event on the radar is the 100k “Tour de Bristol” on my bike in early April. On Monday’s PT session Dr Crane and I went for a cycle around Bristol, in my cleats (which clip your shoes to the bike). It was quite windy and made my ears feel a bit unbalanced for the remainder of the afternoon afterwards, but it was enjoyable. Dr Crane is schooling me on “cadence” which is how many times you can spin the pedals in a minute (my watch has been set up to show me this….well now it has. It wasn’t straight forward at all and I did consider throwing the whole thing in the bin for a time, but now it’s sorted). The higher the cadence, the more times you pedal, which sounds like it is going to make you more tired, but in fact the reverse happens. We cycled up a couple of big hills and I managed to complete them. I was pleased and was feeling quite accomplished as we cycled back into town. Dr Crane is currently in possession of my bike as it needed some TLC (oil and stuff….) I do need to learn about bike maintenance before the tri as each time Dr Crane asked me a question, I looked blank and he could tell I knew NOTHING. He kindly offered to fix some bits for me and as this week was about running and I wouldn’t be cycling, it seemed like a good idea and I gratefully took him up on his kind offer.

The final remaining parts of the training plan prior to the Big Half, were two short and light runs. At this point, you are either ready, or you’re not. You can’t add to your fitness as it’s really too late, so it’s about keeping the body loose and not getting injured. Yesterday morning I had the final run on the plan – 20 minutes, run easy.

It was sunny and I decided that I would run to work, not care about the time, and would run “easy”. I set off and again, everything was feeling good. Breathing was good, legs were feeling good, arm swing was feeling strong. I was in a very positive mental place. My watch buzzed at 1 kilometre and told me that I had run it in 6.32 seconds. This is supersonic for me, but more importantly, it didn’t feel like I was going that fast and so was comfortable. As I crossed onto the Bath Road, I then started the usual mental conversation……”well if I’m running this fast, maybe I should try and run 5k just to see what I can do…….no don’t do that. You have a half marathon on Sunday. Don’t be an idiot”. You get the picture. But I was smiling.

The traffic on the Bath Road was stationary as it was rush hour and there were plenty of people around. In a heartbeat my week changed. Somehow, as I was running, I turned my ankle in a small pothole and fell very heavily onto the pavement. I fell forward onto my knees (which were scraped, I don’t know how my running leggings were not ripped), then onto my elbow (scraped) and finally caught my face in my hands, which were bashed up and bleeding across the knuckles. It could have been so much more devastating had I not managed to save my face with my hands.

I am 1 pound away from losing a stone since New Year’s Day, but I still weigh 14 stone and so I fell hard. Now I am ashamed to admit to you, that I am one of those awful people who finds it funny when people fall over. When they trip and are embarrassed I think it’s hilarious, but obviously hilarity turns to horror pretty quickly if the person turns out then to be really hurt. I am not a complete monster.

I imagine this is what it must have been like for the people in their cars. I fell and it would have looked hilarious to the onlooker but I immediately knew I was in trouble. It hurt. It bloody hurt. I burst into hysterical tears and was wailing and rolling around the pavement. I don’t really know what happened next but suddenly there were two cyclists with me. Both lovely, kind and friendly chaps, who were trying to console and help me although I couldn’t pick either of them out of a line-up today if my life depended on it. I wish I could thank them properly, now, in a slightly less hysterical state. At least I gave them an interesting story to tell their friends this weekend. One was lifting my, rapidly swelling, ankle and foot and the other trying to comfort me. I was hysterical. As I look back now, I must have looked like a crazy woman. I kept saying over and over again that “I am only running for 20 minutes as I have a Half Marathon on Sunday”…but of course, now I don’t.

My Good Samaritans were relieved of their duties as a runner and friend I knew approached. He quickly took stock and calmed me down and then accompanied me home. He was fantastic and very calm and understanding. He is also a man of the cloth and so blessed my ankle before he left, which is never a bad thing! I was hobbling and although I went to minor injuries and had an x-ray to rule out any broken bones (none thankfully), I knew I wasn’t running in the Big Half anymore. Diagnosis was bad sprain with no running for 3-4 weeks. When I burst into tears again (seriously, this is why runners need to be hydrated!) the nurse gave me a tiny ray of sunshine in that after a week or so of rest I can cycle and swim. Just no running.

I was devastated. In the most part I am a positive and determined person but yesterday was a dark day. I was devastated. I spent most of the day in tears and *might* have eaten a bit too much chocolate.

(*might = definitely did*)

I was going to give it everything I had to give on Sunday but now I’ll never know if I would have been able to.

Being a blogger, I posted some pictures through my facebook page as well as in the “This Mum Runs” community page and was overwhelmed to receive over 300 messages yesterday (both private and public) from people wishing me well. Empathising, sympathising, offering advice and comfort. Each one making me cry and determined to keep going. (I am crying as I type this). I am so grateful and this cannot be said enough. Thank you. It really, really helped me yesterday.

So I allowed myself one day of chocolate and self -loathing and then today have pulled myself together and administered a mental slap.

One lady, the Cornish Cakemaster, told me I can’t give up because I am like Mr Miyagi, which made me laugh so much I spat my tea out. But although I’m not very good at karate, this is a team effort. I’m not working towards a half marathon (although it will be a while before I can laugh about yesterday’s events) I am working towards a triathlon and this must remain the goal. Although not being able to run is a nightmare, (there is no way to pretend it’s not a disaster) it does give me the opportunity to focus on swimming and cycling for a while. Dr Crane sent me some wise words yesterday as I kept him up to speed with developments.  “Stay calm, stay positive and press on. That’s what champions to in times of adversity”.

I’m sure he’s right. For me, it’s a bit more simple….stop moaning and put your big girl pants on.

I’m currently on a train to London, with a heavily strapped up foot preparing to cheer my husband on as he is also running the Big Half. Tomorrow I will be a supporter. Hopefully, it won’t be long before I am competing again.

December is very busy isn’t it? I’ve not done any Christmas shopping yet and I’m starting to stress out a bit. Work is all over the place due to the Brexit saga, meaning it is busy but unproductive and there are numerous nights out which when you are trying to watch what you eat and drink can be challenging.

I’ve taken the approach this year that on these nights out (School Parents, Friends, Triathlon Club etc) that whilst I have tried to regulate my drinking and stuck mainly to fizz (it’s amazingly calorie efficient) I have pretty much eaten what I wanted. I’ve not skimped on anything but have tried to stop eating when I was full. I’ve also made sure to have done some form on exercise on the same day I have been going out. It seems to have worked as since the beginning of November I have lost 7 pounds.  Now this may sound like a lot and make no mistake, I am pleased about it, but I am exercising so much that I feel it should be more.

Going out, being busy at work and doing A LOT of exercise makes for a very tired person.

Over the past couple of weeks I have run 3 times, had 2 personal training sessions of an hour each, had a swimming lesson as the bare minimum and then in addition, have been swimming or been on my turbo trainer on my bike as well. I am struggling to stay awake past 9.30pm most nights and simply put, I am shattered. It’s been quite a learning curve though as I understand just how important sleep is going to be for me over the next 7 months.

I continue to work with Dr Crane twice a week and I am really enjoying the sessions. We try to schedule them for a Monday and Friday lunchtime as it feels like a strong start and end to the working week and additionally, I rarely have to travel for work on these days and so it just works.

We do a combination of weights, strength and sprinting cardio style. Dr Crane is technically thorough and always explains exactly which muscle we are working and then why it is important for triathlon, which I appreciate. I am someone who needs to know the “whys” and I also need to know “how many” or for “how long” I will be doing of each exercise, which was something he worked out quickly. I promised that I would do whatever he asked me to do, to the best of my ability, but I would be more likely to give 100% if I know in advance what is required. If I don’t know then simply put, I don’t try my best as I am worried about running out of steam and so it’s a waste of time. I also like even numbers and my daughters are used to seeing me run up and down outside our house as I wait for my running watch to click from 4.95k to a friendly and more mentally pleasing 5k!

Dr Crane has very quickly identified in our short time of working together that most of my challenges are mental and that simply put I am afraid to run faster in case I run out of puff. This is something that we have specifically been working on and I’ve been sprinting on the treadmill for predetermined periods of time and these have been increasing. The other things we have been working on are squats and lunges (often with weights) and press-ups. Press-ups are hard and I really struggle to do them but I keep trying. There was a session last week where I had to perform a series of stretching to the ceiling, crawling forward to do a press-up and then bringing my feet back to my hands and stretching up again. The gym on Friday lunchtime was quite full and I could see people were watching me as I tried my best to look graceful. Although, I clearly did not look graceful. I have no upper body strength at all (although it’s already improving) and by the third repetition I collapsed as I tried to do a press-up, falling onto my face. I felt pretty stupid but tried again and managed a very small one. This is exactly the sort of situation that could put you off, but Dr Crane was very encouraging, talking me through the technique and keeping me going. I have to say, he didn’t allow me to stop doing them though and the sweat pouring off me was making a fairly unpleasant puddle on the floor, but I got it done. This morning I lifted 35kg. The most I have ever lifted previously is 10kg so I am feeling delighted. When you are working hard, it’s important to see improvements.

For running, I am only allowed to run within my “heartrate zones” which means that if my heartrate goes above 156 beats per minute I have to slow down. Other than discovering that having a bottle of red wine coursing through my veins from the night before (thank you December nights out) makes my heart rate higher than normal, it is ok but makes me very slow. I mean REALLY slow. As slow as I was at the beginning of couch to 5k, but it has rekindled my love of running (and I use the word love here loosely!) probably because it doesn’t feel too hard. It’s making social running challenging but the ladies I run with (a glorious harbour loop with the Captain and Lady J of the “Hockey Mums Running Club” – guess what our daughters are doing whilst we run?….)have been extremely understanding. This type of training will continue to the end of the month when I am hoping to be given permission to test myself and see if the sprints, strength and weightloss have improved my speed at all soon. Fingers crossed.

Swimming lessons continue and I know I am improving my technique. My shoulder rotation now exists (it didn’t before) but frustratingly, I continue to flex my feet when I kick. Triton has advised that I spend some time swimming lengths with a float just kicking my pointed toes. I need to buy myself a float or some flippers as apparently these will also work. I have seen a “Wonder Woman” float at the swimming pool that is for a child and I’m wondering if I could get away with it for my super serious triathlon training? I’ll keep you posted.

Finally, I have only managed to get on my bike once. This brings me back to my original point at the start of the blog. I can’t seem to fit it in. I am shattered and my muscles are sore most of the time. I use a foam roller, I stretch in the kitchen whilst waiting for the kettle to boil but my body is a little bit shocked about everything it’s being asked to do. I know that this is another reason for the heartrate training to keep things slow as I adjust, but I feel a little bit anxious.

I do know however, that I need to trust the experts and hopefully everything will fall into place.

Rome wasn’t built in a day and big goals take patience and effort to achieve. This is a half Iron Man distance triathlon so I will need to summon every inch of determination to complete it. Smaller goals would be easier and (let’s face it) probably more sensible, but where is the fun and challenge in that?

In case I do not blog again this year, may I take this opportunity to thank you all for continuing to read my ramblings and wish you a Merry Christmas.

Getting back into exercise isn’t that difficult in theory; a couple of runs a week, a swimming session, a spin class and it’s easy to feel accomplished. My heart beats fast and I sweat…a lot. But is it enough?

It is certainly enough for most people and definitely adequate if your only goal is to get fit and keep healthy, but probably not if you are training for a big event. Additionally, I find it easy to do the bits that I enjoy, but I am also a gold medal winner at “avoiding” or “not having enough time” to fit in the stuff I don’t enjoy as much. For me this is strength training.

The middle distance triathlon is 29 weeks away but slightly more alarmingly, the Big Half (13.1 miles) is only 16 weeks away. Most half marathon training plans are 12 weeks long and so with this in mind, I knew I had to get cracking.

I am a firm believer in seeking advice. If I don’t know the answer to something, I am not proud and will seek the counsel of someone who knows more than me. In this particular instance, this happened to be a personal trainer. I have never worked with a personal trainer before, ever and I was slightly nervous. I felt like it was very important that I was able to implicitly trust whoever was in charge of my physical health and it was critical that they understood who I was, where I had come from and most importantly where I was going.  But where to start? If you google “Personal Trainer”, there are literally tens of hundreds of names that pop up. In addition to this, I didn’t have any idea what sort of skills were important. So I did the only thing that I could, I met some.

The first lady was very nice indeed. I was welcomed with a green tea (no caffeine at her gym) and we had a good chat about my goals. She was very honest about not being able to help me with running and cycling but she was confident that she could make me strong. Unfortunately she was too expensive.

Learning from my mistakes (not finding out the cost before I met with the trainer) I then spoke to a couple on the telephone, with similar negative results. Both seemed to have a pre-planned programme that they applied to “clients like you” and apparently it worked well but I didn’t like the approach. Whilst I recognise that most runners and trainee triathletes are all seeking the same outcome (ie to finish and not collapse) we are all completely unique. We have different histories and motivations. I wasn’t happy and was genuinely about to give up hope when I found Dr Crane. He listened. He is also an ultra runner and keen cyclist himself, extremely patient and most importantly “gets” me.

He’s formulated a plan in 3 parts. Between now and Christmas we are working (very hard I might mention) to get my fitness back to what it was when I finished London Landmarks Half earlier this year. In my heart, I know that this was the fittest I have ever been and this is why this year has been so frustrating. I will be that fit again and we are also working on my strength (he’s slightly obsessed, in a good way I hasten to add, with press-ups….which I can’t do). In addition, and I know this goes against everything I have ever said before, I am actively trying to lose body fat.

I’m quite conflicted about this, not least because as you know from my previous blogs, I am not someone who likes to diet or restrict what I eat, largely because it’s so miserable and a larger body can be fit and strong – I think I have proved this several times over the past couple of years. I’m not really bothered what I look like. I am fit, strong and healthy. I am able to buy clothes in all high street shops and I once again own a pair of Levi jeans (you have no idea of the excitement levels when they arrived).

Unfortunately, the triathlon I have entered is an endurance event and whilst I have not yet worked out exactly how long I anticipate it will take me, I am guessing it will be in the region of 7-8 hours. If I am to complete this without injury and hopefully improve all my times, I do need to be lighter. I respected Dr Crane’s honesty and he almost apologised when he broached the delicate subject, but he is right. I knew before he said it that I needed to try and get lighter to lessen the impact on my ankles. I was not keen to simply restrict calories though as I am absolutely starving, constantly, when I am consumed by training for an event. So again I sought advice from Dr Crane. I am keeping my calories within a limit, but I am trying to eat more protein. Protein fills you up and so you are not hungry. It’s a work in progress however, as I am a natural lover of carbs. Of course, we are also into Mince Pie and Party season, so it will be an enormous challenge. Some days are better than others but I’m trying my best.

So with my physical well-being in good hands (as well as my running getting back to a regular, all be it slow, pattern) I turned my attention to swimming as I started my swimming lessons last week.

I arrived with plenty of time and sat on the side waiting to be collected by the teacher. It was fairly chaotic as there was only a handful of adult students as the vast majority were under the age of 10, wearing a rainbow of different colour swimming hats to make it easy to identify each ability class.  When Mr Triton, my swimming teacher, appeared he was friendly, Italian and extremely enthusiastic.  I was asked to swim a couple of lengths so he could observe and assess. I felt nervous but I was careful to breathe out underwater and tried not to swallow any when I breathed in. I turned to give him my best smile and waited for his assessment. Between you and I, I felt the swim had gone well and was quietly optimistic. However, whilst Mr Triton’s verdict was delivered with a smile, it wasn’t good news; “you’re breathing is good, but everything else is wrong so you’ll have to unlearn the wrong things and relearn again. It will be harder for you, than the rest of the class as they are just learning front crawl never having done it before.”

He then asked why I was in the class and what I was wanting to achieve. When I told him I had to complete a 1.2mile swim next June, he laughed. Then realised I was being serious….and quickly told me that I would be fine. I have to be honest, his reaction scared me, but I know that if it all goes wrong I could swim the distance breaststroke and I could do that now. But I am committed to learning properly.

He then proceeded to direct me to do length after length of “drills”. The first of which was swimming with my arms above my head (like Superman), my face pointing directly down at the floor (so I am swimming blind) and pointing my feet and kicking so my feet break the surface of the water. Apparently my body position isn’t high enough and my swimming isn’t “efficient” and this will help. But this is all I did for the rest of the lesson….it’s going to be a tough process this learning to swim properly. But I was reassured by Mr Triton that it would work. It might take a few weeks but he would have me swimming around that lake next June doing the front crawl. I will keep you informed.

Running is happening and I’m managing to fit it in a random times across the week. I haven’t yet managed to run 5k without a walk break, but I’m close.

Finally cycling. I’m not going to lie. I am struggling to fit everything in at the moment; running, swimming, work, family and daughter commitments and cycling seems to be the one that is missing out. I’ve managed a couple of spin classes but that’s it, so I have finally got around to setting up the turbo trainer that the “Unofficial Trainer” has lent me. It’s an ingenious device that turns your own road bike into an exercise bike. It is brilliant. I’ve only used it twice but I have it set up in the back room in front of the TV and I’m ploughing my way through “House of Cards”. Apart from the obvious fitness benefits of using the trainer, it has the even better benefit of allowing me to get to know my own road bike better. I have worked out that I have ridden it less than 12 times since I got it in April and I’m still not that confident with the gears. Riding the bike on the trainer and practicing with the gears, cleats and cycling shoes when I get them (please Father Christmas) will help me enormously when I emerge back out on the roads next Spring.

Therefore, at the moment, I’m feeling ok (or as OK as I ever do) about the running and cycling but slightly panicking about the swimming.

This is not the normal state of affairs for me, but let’s be honest – nothing about any of this is normal.

Over the next couple of weeks there will be more social events as the Christmas season kicks in and I am going to have to be more disciplined than usual. I’m motivated to improve, but I also love a gin and tonic and a mince pie. It’s a constant battle, but it’s a marathon not a sprint.

I want to be fearless, like my new training top, but at the moment, I’m feeling a bit fearful….hopefully that will change.

On the sporting front, 2018 has been a sparse medal year and a year of high highs and very low, lows.

I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on this during September as I was benched following my UGIDA (hemmaroids) surgery on the 5^th. The operation was largely successful but unfortunately last week the doctor refused to sign me off completely due to one of the wounds “overhealing”…yes…trust me to have the most competitive bottom that wants to be the best at getting better. This means possibly some more unpleasant bottom related stuff in November, but we’re all hoping (me especially) that my body will correct itself naturally. The good news however, was last week the Doctor did give me the all clear to resume exercising.

I was delighted. Being unable to exercise when your body is used to it is tough. I have found it nearly debilitating at times. I have been uncomfortable, sore, grumpy, intolerant, sad and often tearful.  These days it’s part of who I am and so not being allowed to move was nothing short of heart breaking. I hate running, I love running, I hate running but I can’t do without it. I missed it….terribly.

Upon being given the all clear on Tuesday lunchtime, I knew instantly that I had to get straight back into my trainers. Not allowing any time for procrastination, I ran home from work that evening. I knew it would be hard and it was. It was horrendous. I could only run for 5 minutes before needing to walk a bit and my chest heaved. I struggled with breathing (as not running had meant that my asthma was back) and my insides burned, but I did it. 3.1k run and walked.  I re-read my old blog posts (from the beginning of 2016) and reminded myself that my body does know how to do it as it had done it before. It just needed to remember how to do it.

I set out again Thursday and had another lousy run. It was hard. I have gained a little bit of weight during my running hiatus and so I could almost hear my bottom applauding me as I ran down the Bath Road, but I was a tiny bit faster than the previous run and this motivated me. A win is a win after all.

Last night I ran home from work and finally my legs seemed to remember what they are supposed to do. Very slow yes, but I was able to run 2k before I needed a little walk and I took 6 minutes off my time from the previous week. I felt positive. I have been reassured by many that “muscle memory” will help and it won’t be long before I am back up to what I was able to do before. I am not patient as you know and I know it will take a couple of weeks to get there but I am determined to do it.

This week the London Marathon Ballot places are being announced. I found out yesterday that I have not been successful in the ballot and so as a result will not be running 26.2 miles next April around the streets of London. I felt not one scrap of sorrow when I saw the result. If I had have been lucky enough to get a place I would have trained and I would have completed it. But in my heart I feel that 2020 is my year for a marathon and I think it will take place overseas. 2019 is the year of the triathlon for me.

The other reason I was relieved not to get a place is that last week I signed up for an even more ridiculous event. On the 9^th June next year I will swim 1.2 miles, then cycle 56 miles and then run 13.1 miles in the Cotswold 113 middle distance triathlon. This is the same distance as a half ironman but importantly, for this triathlon there are no cut off times (very important when you are often the slowest runner on the circuit).

The London Landmarks Half marathon earlier this year, showed me that I am capable as long as I believe in myself. Unfortunately, thanks to UGIDA, I’ve not been able to test that theory since. But now, all bets are off and I really want to push myself.  What can I achieve?

However,clearly I have a long way to go over the next 8 months and so I have taken action and have already formulated a loose plan.

I have signed up for adult improvers swimming lessons (I start in November) and will learn to swim properly. I have a wetsuit on my Christmas list (this could be a challenge given that I am short and weeble like, but they must exist for the more rotund triathletes….right?) and next year I will swim in the lake more. This doesn’t sound like a hardship to me as I am lucky and I like swimming already.

I am very much looking forward to getting to know my bike better over the coming months. This was the saddest and most frustrating aspect of UGIDA for me. It struck me down when I first discovered cycling and so I was cheated out of a summer of cycling with my friends. I had to enviously stalk them on Strava (app where you log your training) as they disappeared to the coast for a cycle, quick cake stop off and then cycle home wondering if I could have kept up with them. Cake and cycling? These are two of my favourite things. I’m ready to join in this time.

Finally running. Oh running…where to begin. I know I can follow a training plan and I know I have it in me to go faster and faster. I am signed up for the Big Half in London next March so my plan until then is to get half marathon fit, whilst learning to swim and cycling as much as I can (I suspect the odd spin class will feature too).

Finally, I accept that I need to lift some weights. (I can almost feel the Unofficial Trainer’s sense of uphoria as I finally acknowledge this). Strength training will be key if I am to complete a half distance triathlon in 8 months time, so weights and I’m also considering having a go at Crossfit (but it scares me) in order to get strong.

I’m not sure how I’m going to fit it all in with a full time job and two hockey obsessed daughters that seem to have a tournament every weekend between them, but I will do my best. I want to succeed and improve and this is always half the battle.

But first, I need to get back up to a comfortable 5k and so will focus on this between now and Christmas. I will keep you updated on my progress.

*** Thank you to everyone who bought my book raising £1050 for MacMillan Cancer***

I hope that my blog shows that anything is possible if you put yourself out there and give it your best shot.  Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll be re-posting the blogs that were in the book back onto the site. If you know anyone who is starting, considering or currently in the middle of couch to 5 k or even wondering if they can do it, please do point them towards it as I hope it will help them.

I love cycling. I absolutely love it. I love that I can cycle fast, really fast and whilst I am not likely to win the Tour de France just yet, I feel pride that I am not terrible at it and don’t come last (something and a feeling that has so far evaded me in running,  no matter how hard I try).

According to my Garmin watch (something that wouldn’t look out of place in a Bond movie), my top speed so far on my bike, Shiny Sheena, is 49 kilometres or 30 miles per hour. Admittedly this has only been once and I was going downhill, but it happened and it was exhilarating as it feels genuinely frightening cycling at this speed. Before I had my daughters, I used to own a pistachio green Vespa. Yes I was cool once! I loved it and pretended that I was riding through Rome rather than the streets of Bristol to and from work. Of course, now as I think back, I used to ride my Vespa such a short distance that the Me of today, would walk the same journey without thinking twice. But the Me of 2002-2007 never exercised and so I needed a Vespa to transport me the 2 miles to and from work. I feel sad as I think of all my past failed opportunities to exercise, but we are where we are and there is no point in looking backwards. The point I am trying to make here, is to travel the 2 miles to work on my Vespa, I used to wear heavy duty protective clothing, jacket and trousers in case I fell off, but I wasn’t even going as fast as I do on my bike, when I am only protected by comedy padded bottom shorts and a short sleeved top. I think this is what makes me slightly afraid but also why it’s so exciting and enjoyable.

Over the past 12 months I have run on the Bristol to Bath Cycle path many times, but have never gone beyond Warmley. A few weeks ago, I persuaded Husband to take the day off work and accompany me to Bath on our bikes. It was a glorious day and we really, really enjoyed it. I didn’t struggle at all as we rode into Bath. We didn’t go slowly and genuinely I didn’t feel tired and was sure that I could have cycled for longer. I was actually sad when we arrived and inwardly wished that Bath was more than 13 miles from Bristol. A quick pizza lunch later and we were on the return leg of our journey, needing to be back in time for the required “school run”. Interestingly this time, Husband was struggling a bit on his clunky and heavy hybrid bike and so since then has been riding my bike and is now checking out road bikes for himself. I predict a Duathlon (Cycling and Riding) at least for him next year. It was good to do a longer ride and it showed me that my legs are strong. It is good to feel positive about things once in a while.

Swimming is something I enjoy and as regular readers of this blog will know, since Christmas I have re-learned how to swim front crawl. For the Westonbirt Tri I swam half breaststroke and half front crawl but for the upcoming Portishead Tri I planned to swim it all front crawl.

The immediate thing I learned upon completion of the Westonbirt Tri was that I LOVE triathlon and will be doing more, but most triathlons have the swim section in a lake and for this you need a wetsuit. Having bought a road bike this year, I would need to save my pennies to get a decent wetsuit and so I put all thoughts of lake swimming off until next year…or so I thought. The very hot, and wonderful summer that we have experienced so far for the past 6 weeks has meant that you do not need a wetsuit to swim in a lake. The Triathlon Training Centre is located in North Bristol and I follow their facebook page. One evening it was announced that wetsuits were banned as it was too hot and so I knew I had to go and give it a try. No need for a wetsuit and so no real excuses not to go. I contacted RubyRed to see if she wanted to accompany me and as we sat looking out at the lake, in our trisuits, on the “pontoon of procrastination” as we fondly call it, lots of thoughts raced through my mind. The most pressing was whether I would be able to even swim in a trisuit with sleeves and then there was the topic of temperature. Even with a wetsuit ban in place, the first leap into a lake is likely to be “refreshing” to say the least. As I jumped in, I couldn’t breathe for the first couple of seconds as the temperature hit me, but slowly regained my composure and we were off.

The chap in charge of the lake is called Mike and he is quite a character to say the least. He is extremely suntanned and wears an enormous hat which makes him look not unlike Bristol’s answer to Crocodile Dundee. He has a terrible sense of humour but is also highly experienced in triathlon and had some very good advice for me. They also run beginner’s classes and he is very enthusiastic and encouraging. The lake is a 600m loop and you swim clockwise and between bouys. It sounds daunting but even I can touch the floor in most places at my grand height of 5 foot 3 and a half (the half is very important). When RubyRed and I finally managed to get in the water and had completed our loop, he was wildly complementary and congratulatory. Everyone needs a cheerleader like Mike. The centre also has a running track and a cycle loop so you can practice changing between the disciplines and can also complete a triathlon there if you want to practice.

I have since been back to the lake 3 times, the second time swimming two loops having met Merida there after work. 1393m is the furthest I have swum since school and most of it was front crawl which shows me that, as with most things, the thought and fear of doing something, ie swimming front crawl continuously, is much worse than the reality. Of the 1393m I would guess that at least 1000m was swam front crawl. My technique still needs work but I felt quite proud of myself as I sat back on the “pontoon of procrastination” considering my acheivement.

Running has also been happening, but not quite as often. It’s included a glorious trail run at Blaise Castle in the all important shade of the trees as well as a couple of exploring runs with Hattie. One thing I have noticed is that although I am running less (cycling and swimming more) my times are gradually increasing which shows very clearly that cross training, using different muscles, helps running immensely. On a personal level this is magnificent. If I can run less often (and when I say less often I am still running twice a week) but still manage to retain my speed or even increase it then I am a very happy person!

Unfortunately, as we edge towards the Portishead Tri, I am afraid to say that disaster has struck and I am once again under the spell of UGIDA. (Unwanted Guests in the Downstairs Area – or hemmaroids). Yes they are slightly embarrassing, but what can I tell you, they are extremely common. Lots of people have them (although they may not be as vocal about them as me) and they are quite literally a pain in the ass. But critically for me, cycling and running aggravate them enormously. They have plagued my training since April this year and my body seems to have no regard whatsoever for my fitness goals and plans for 2018.

I have surgery scheduled to have them removed on the 5^th September which I am reliably informed is “quite painful” (why do people feel the need to tell you that by the way?  I mean I know what’s going to happen, it will involve a knife and I’m not an idiot, but I don’t need it spelled out for me so it induces a mild panic everytime I think about it!?) and will put me out of action for a month or so. The recovery is no driving for 10-14 days (so I will be working from home trying not to eat cake), then gentle walking and then I am allowed to start running again after 4 weeks in order to then start building up distances again. I was hoping that my body would hold it together to allow me to complete the Portishead Tri but after much soul searching I have decided to withdraw. I am very sad about it but I know it’s the right decision. Even if UGIDA subsides in the short-term to allow me to compete on the day, there is every chance that competing would cause aggravation and then I would be in pain and it would spoil our family summer holiday.

As one of the wise UberTri Mums said, “it’s times like this that it’s important to remember why we train in the first place”. For me, if I go right back to the beginning of this, it’s about my daughters and family and being fit enough to enjoy an active family life. It doesn’t really follow therefore that a medal is worth sacrificing our summer holiday for and my husband and daughters don’t like seeing me in pain anymore than I enjoy being in pain. Once I realised that, it was easy to make the decision. Also having withdrawn from the Tri means that I don’t feel under any pressure to run or cycle and so I will not be running or cycling now until October this year, post surgery.

I am signed up to the Big Half in London on Sunday March 10^th 2019 and so have plenty to motivate me to get back up to speed quickly after the operation. I am also going to complete an Olympic Triathlon next year – this will be a 1.5k swim (probably in a lake) a 40k bike ride and then a 10k run. This will be a huge challenge but I’m excited for it. My Christmas list is certainly looking different for this year including a wetsuit and cleats (cycling shoes) than previous ones where it simply stated “Clarins and perfume”.

But for now, I need to be sensible and try not panic about losing all my fitness that I have spent the last 2 and half years building up. There is still plenty I can do, so I will keep swimming, using weights (gently) and today I went to my first Ashtanga Yoga class which was extremely difficult and challenging. I genuinely thought it would be a good stretch with some breathing whereas the reality is that I suspect I may not be able to lift my arms over my head tomorrow without wanting to cry. Still I need to keep challenging myself. This year has not gone the way I wanted it to – after the London Landmarks triumph I had plans of sub 75 minute 10ks and the two Triathlons with the second being faster that the first. But life does not always go the way you want it to. My body doesn’t care about my plans it seems and so there will not be any more medals for me this year.

I’ll blog again later in the year as I restart my running journey after my surgery and until then I wish you all a wonderful Summer.